Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Emotions and trying to not cry.

This weekend has been an emotional one to say the least.   I knew it was the last weekend before both of my girls would be in school full time.   Both of them.   It's still hard to swallow for me.   One thing that was slightly sad for me was that yesterday would be our last day together and I knew we wouldn't be able to spend most of it together.   

Another emotional part of the weekend came on Thursday night.   Mike and I were both in bed when the phone rang.   It was 10:00 pm and I could see on the TV that it was Mike's parents.   I knew right away that something wasn't right because they do not call that late ever.    I quickly woke Mike up and told him that his parents were calling and he went downstairs to answer the phone.   When he came back up to bed, I got news I wasn't really expecting.   His uncle had died in a motorcycle accident a few hours earlier.  It ended up being a pretty restless night after that.   

Although we lived about an hour and a half away from his uncle, we both didn't feel like we did.   He had been an usher in our wedding.   He drove us to the airport on our trip to New York City a couple years ago.   He sent cards to the girls at Christmas and we would send ours to him with the girls yearly pictures.   He made a point to stay a part of our lives and I always did appreciate that.   

The showing was on Monday.  The last day of summer.   A day most celebrate as Labor day and enjoy their day off of work.   Both Mike and I were excited to have the day off so that we could make the trip together down to Milwaukee to see his uncle one last time.   One of Mike's requests though was not to bring the girls with.   He went to a funeral as a very young child and said he will never get that image out of his head and he wants the girls to be ignorant to that as long as possible.   I understood and we sent them to my parents for the day where they had lots of fun and spent the last day of summer the way they should with swimming, cooking out and the rest of their family.  If only I was able to enjoy it with them though.  A mothers guilt never ends.  

The showing was as you would expect.   When a life ends tragically and early, it's never easy.   Some might understand this but I didn't want to be a goober and start crying.   Mike held it together, like he always does and we all enjoyed seeing family members we don't get to see very often (just wish it wasn't under these circumstances).   I almost made it the entire time there (about 3.5 hours) without crying but then when we went up to say goodbye one last time, that was hard.   Seeing Mike say goodbye to the uncle that he grew up with broke my heart and my strength and there I was, the one crying, when he never cries.  

The drive home was nice.  I was excited to get back to the girls but knew it was late and they would be going straight to bed.   They were excited as well when we got back.   They were ready for their first day of school and I was hoping not to cry yet again when dropping them off the next morning.

In this case I was successful.   I kept the lump in my throat down and managed to get out of their school with a sigh of relief.    Katelyn left me without a second though.   I was proud though that she gave me a big kiss right in the classroom and didn't get embarrassed.    My big girl is now a second grader! 

Kenzie, I dropped off last.   I wanted to have it be about her.    The closer we got to her classroom, the tighter her grip on my hand got.   I will always remember how tight her hand was by the end of the hallway.   As we went into her classroom she let go and sat down to play.   She gave me a little hug and kiss and then I left.    My baby is now a kindergartener. 


  1. The unexpected ones are always the hardest, you did great for not crying until the end.

    Hopefully the girls will have lots of fun stories about school for you.

  2. So sorry for your loss. Hang in there. What a beautiful picture of the girls.

  3. Your girls are so beautiful! I'm so sorry for your loss Sarah; glad you were able to be with family to say goodbye.

  4. :( I'm so sorry to hear about Mikes Uncle. I think its so much harder when it's unexpected like that. The girls look adorable - and now they will educated and sassy as well, which is a trifecta of awesome. Keep looking forward!

  5. I hope you are having a better day. Hang in there.
    I tagged you on my blog for an inspiring blog award!
    I love reading you blog, keep it up :)

  6. I'm so sorry about Mike's uncle passing. It is so hard to believe both girls are old enough to be in school. I know you guys must be so proud of them!